Friday, February 28, 2014

How I Found My Fierce Again

Hello all you blog train passengers! Welcome to my blog. If you're here for the first time my name is Tesney and I'm so happy you've stopped by! If you've been reading for a while, welcome back! I'm a little late with my post due to my crazy life...it was actually supposed to go up yesterday. The train is not derailed though! It just had a one-day delay and there will be two posts today to catch up...one from me and one from Elizabeth. So if you're just getting on the blog train, be sure to go to Baylor's blog from yesterday and Elizabeth's blog for today. 

If you know me in real life, you know that I'm never really at a loss for words. Yet, for a couple of years now, I've found it very difficult to blog. So much of what I used to write about was a diary of sorts of my spiritual thoughts. Can I get real with you here?

To be quite frank, since we arrived home with Kirill, those thoughts have been consumed with doubt. 

I know it makes no sense. We were a part of a modern day miracle with his adoption. I felt the Holy Spirit literally took over my body and soul during the last three months of fighting for our son in the Russian Supreme Court. Jesus through us was fierce. However, when I got back home, it was as if I couldn't go back to my previous faith. I couldn't wrap my mind about what had happened. I had never experienced that kind of indwelling of the Holy Spirit and since I couldn't explain it, I started to doubt if it was real. Sometimes the human mind is a tool of the Enemy and I think he made me question a lot of what I had experienced.

We also walked through some of the darkest days of our lives after bringing Kirill home. Satan attacked us in ways that we never could have imagined. I won't go into a lot of detail but trust me when I say, some of our worst fears (that had nothing to do with adoption) were suddenly staring us in the face and we had to deal with them while trying to adjust to life with Kirill. I seriously doubted God y'all. For the first time in my life, I just didn't know if he was real and it was scary.


Still, in the midst of all of that, I never lost my passion for justice for the poor and oppressed. I think the Holy Spirit was still stirring in me even while I questioned. That's the great thing about Jesus...his grace covers all of our times of questioning. It's ok to wrestle with God. Jacob did it-I figure he's no better than me. Anyway, like I said...I still sought to figure out ways to help bring justice to the poor even in the midst of my doubt.

One thing that I learned during our adoption: keeping families together is the best solution to the orphan crisis. Hear me out: I love adoption. I think it's necessary in our world and it's one of the only ways Jesus has shown me the depth of his love for us. It was during this time that I first heard about Noonday Collection. I was intrigued by their purpose: to provide artisans all over the world with a pathway out of poverty. They do this by giving them sustainable income and partnering with them in long-term relationships based on mutual trust. Noonday provides more than just a living wage though; they also provide medical care, no-interest loans, scholarships, and emergency care. Their goal is to provide for their artisans in such a way that they never have to make the difficult decision of whether or not to place their child for adoption due to poverty or illness. I decided to become an ambassador for them because I knew that if Kirill's mom had a Noonday in her life, she would not have had to place him for adoption.

Becoming an ambassador has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I say that because it also brought me hope in very dark times and was a catalyst for me to see Jesus at work all over the world and realize that he IS real. The heart of the Noonday founders and the heart of the women who are ambassadors are unified in our passion to work on behalf of justice for the poor. That unity has created a beautiful mess of people that I've never seen the likes of before in my life. I was able to get together with many of them in January and y'all...no words. We had church! It wasn't a "Christian" event. There are women who are ambassadors and people who love Noonday that aren't Christians (God can use anyone...don't be deceived into thinking he isn't at work in the lives of all people...he loves us all the same). However, the heart and soul of this company, God is driving. He's doing some amazing things through regular women who have chosen to say "yes" to fighting on behalf of the marginalized citizens of humanity. I have never been a part of 400 women who are more united or more positive in my life. We are focused on Jesus. Running the race together and our eyes are not going to the right or the left. If one of us struggles, we ALL struggle. We pray for and support and love and encourage each other so we can keep our eyes focused on the end of the race where Jesus will meet us! If one of us starts to get sidetracked, we all help her get re-focused. It's an amazing group of women, I tell ya, because it's not about us...it's all about him.

I am convinced of this: if you want to see Jesus in the land of the living, join arms and work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. Put your focus on alleviating poverty and not on self-serving ideals of our jacked-up world. Jesus will join you whether you want him to or not. He will also show you a solidarity with other people that you cannot imagine...there's no room for selfishness. That is the unexpected blessing of Noonday in my own life. It has been a pivotal part of restoring my faith in God's sovereignty and his need for us to take his love to all people. I have a renewed faith and a passion to spend my days on his behalf like never before. I get to serve our beautiful artisans and share their stories. I get to give them a platform and a voice. It's humbling that God would use me to do that. It also raises up a fierceness in me like never before. I have realized I have one life. I've got one chance to do this thing and do it for his glory. Not in a way that is "doing" just for the sake of busyness...or in a legalistic way where I have to earn Jesus' approval. But I burn in my bones to be a voice for those that cannot speak up for themselves. These verses have become personal mantras:

Luke 12:48 "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."

Isaiah 58:10: "and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,    and your night will become like the noonday."

I think that's why one of my favorite Noonday artisan creations is the Artemis Necklace. I feel this fierceness of Jesus inside of me and this necklace just looks so fierce. It's like a real-life reminder of the armor of God! The story behind it, I'll share tomorrow. I've probably said enough for today plus I've got to go because I've got a Dr. Suess date with my first grader sons! So come back and I'll tell you more about how the Artemis Necklace is changing lives. 

While you wait, go ahead and enter the contest to win an Artemis Necklace for yourself!!! You have three chances to win. Here's how:
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