Domino Thoughts

• We are begging you to keep praying this week more steadfastly than ever. Pray for the judge specifically. We have felt a powerful urge to pray for her as a person, not just her decision about our adoption, and we believe that the Spirit is working on her in bigger ways than we ever imagined. We were so strengthened by your prayers last week. I literally felt the arms of God's love around me; especially when I would start to lose a little bit of my faith. I'm not a strong person naturally, so it was obviously God's strength carrying me. So please friends, continue to offer up those prayers. If you feel inclined to fast, I know there will be many fasting again this Tuesday for our adoption and the adoptions of the other three children from our region whose adoptions hang in the balance. I'm not trying to be sensational or dramatic when I say that; I just want you to understand the seriousness of what we are facing. We know that spiritual warfare is being battled over the lives of these children, as it is in all of our lives. Prayer is our weapon in this war.
• We have been told by our adoption agency that she will give our facilitator an answer about our court date on Wednesday (which is Tuesday night in the U.S. since we are anywhere from 7-10 hours behind EE time, depending on where in the U.S. you live). This means we probably won't find out any news about her decision until Wednesday afternoon or Thursday morning. I will do my best to update the blog and post on Facebook as soon as we hear something. If the answer is no, then it may take a little time for me to process this and I might not update immediately. But I promise I will do my best to let everyone know as soon as I'm able to post.
• We got our fingerprinting date to have our USCIS fingerprints re-done. It's going to be February 7th at 8 a.m. I'm very thankful it's so quick. We sent in our application on January 6. So it took about a month to get the date. I hope we get the results back as quickly after we get the fingerprints done. Ours expire on February 27th. We cannot adopt without the results so it's kind of a big deal. If you're not familiar with FBI fingerprinting and adoptions, these are one of the big things you do at the beginning of the process. They are good for 18 months. We had ours done for the first time in November of 2009. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would have to have them redone...I just couldn't have imagined that we wouldn't have our child home after 18 months. 
• We are already hearing stories of how Kirill's story has changed lives and glorified God. Praise God! We would love to hear any stories you have. We also love comments...like I said, the prayers are sustaining us...and we love to hear that you are praying!
• THIS SERMON (Unstoppable) has carried me through the last week. I'm urging you to listen to it. It will change your life, I promise, especially if you are wondering why God seems to be ignoring your prayers or wonder why suffering is a part of your life. 
• I have a huge food baby from this past week. My initial reaction to bad news/stress/worry is not eating for a day or two. Then as I embrace the stress, I embrace carbohydrates and sugar. Gigi's cupcakes just opened in my town and I think I've single-handedly kept it in business for the past three days. I need an intervention or people are going to ask if I'm expecting.
• We lost another Reece's Rainbow child this week. Sandra died in an orphanage without ever knowing the love of parents, family, brothers or sisters. She has been a child that I've always looked at fondly. Something about her angelic face touched me. I'm not sure exactly how many children from Reece's Rainbow have died this winter, but it seems like more than in past years. Children in EE orphanages are especially susceptible to death during the harsh winter months because of illness and lack of medical care. Outbreaks of flu and pneumonia can take children quickly when there isn't medicine to treat the illness and the child is already fragile from lack of nutrition, love, and routine health care. Add in the medical fragility of heart conditions that many children with DS have, and it's a tenuous situation. Simple surgeries and medicines widely available in the U.S. could save these children. There is no reason they should die. None. What is your excuse? Is God calling you to adopt? Think about it and if your reasons are all selfish (e.g., it will change my lifestyle, it will require me to sacrifice financially, it will take up my time), then that, my friends, is just plain wrong. I'm sorry if I sound too assertive but I just don't feel like we have time to beat around the bush on why adoption is so important.

• And finally, In Christ Alone is probably my favorite worship song. I'm listening to it with new ears during this season of our adoption. I love the ethereal, wispy blend of the words and the music. The first and last stanzas are really powerful and have become my theme song for the week.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Wait

^{Psalm 33:18-22
18} But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
   on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
¹⁹ to deliver them from death
   and keep them alive in famine.
 ²⁰ We wait in hope for the LORD;
   he is our help and our shield.
²¹ In him our hearts rejoice,
   for we trust in his holy name.
²² May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
   even as we put our hope in you.

^{Psalm 27:13-14
13} I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.

^{Psalm 40:1-3
1} I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
      and he turned to me and heard my cry.
 ² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
      out of the mud and the mire.
   He set my feet on solid ground
      and steadied me as I walked along.
 ³ He has given me a new song to sing,
      a hymn of praise to our God.
   Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
      They will put their trust in the Lord.



^{Lamentations 3:22-33
22} Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”
 ²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
   to the one who seeks him;
²⁶ it is good to wait quietly 
   for the salvation of the LORD.
²⁷ It is good for a man to bear the yoke
   while he is young.
 ²⁸ Let him sit alone in silence,
   for the LORD has laid it on him.
²⁹ Let him bury his face in the dust—
   there may yet be hope.
³⁰ Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
   and let him be filled with disgrace.
 ³¹ For no one is cast off
   by the Lord forever.
³² Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
   so great is his unfailing love.
³³ For he does not willingly bring affliction
   or grief to anyone.

Today's news was clear: wait. To quote our agency worker, "it is neither good nor bad. The judge took your case and will have an answer in a week. So we wait." I disagree that it was neither good nor bad. It was good news. It was an answer to our prayers: wait.

We tend to focus on ourselves and what this means to us personally. But what if this process isn't about us at all? What if this entire process is for someone else? I'm not even talking about K. What if this process is for the judge? What if it's for a complete stranger that hears our story and is moved? What if it's for people we meet in K's country who see us giving everything we have emotionally and physically to adopt our son? What if it's for the orphanage workers who are being changed by taking care of our son in our absence? Are we willing to put our own desires aside to further God's kingdom according to HIS perfect time?

So please, if you've been praying for this situation, do not lose heart! Yes, it would have been awesome if God had granted our pleas in the way we asked and we got a court date today. But won't it be that much more awesome when he answers according to HIS will and in HIS time? How much better are his ways than ours?

So we wait.

God's Comfort Is...

• 13 families gathering around us to pray over our adoption last night
• 14 college students gathering during the night to pray over our adoption
• a friend texting me scripture every hour, on the hour, all day and into the night
• over 30 text messages from friends offering encouragement and support
• over 20 emails offering encouragement and support...2 from strangers
• lots of Facebook messages & posts
• many people, I'll never know how many for sure, fasting all day for our adoption
• phone calls from people throughout the day offering words of comfort and strength
• Reece's Rainbow Yahoo Group
• two other adoptive mommies from our region staying up in prayer all night long

II Cor 1:3-7
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

All We Can Do

Wow...this is a hard post to write. I've tried to come up with a creative way to start but I just don't have any words that seem to do justice to the enormity of my emotions. I think I'm the closest to being empty of myself and control that I've ever been. That's a great thing; a very peaceful feeling. I know that regardless of the outcome, I'm HIS and HE IS MINE. I have no fear in this life, because to die is gain. Soak that in...let it marinate...

Tonight while our country sleeps, our facilitator will be meeting with the judge to ask her to assign us a court date. This will also affect the adoption of other families in our region, as K and one other little girl will be the first children with Down Syndrome ever adopted out of that region. One other family trying to adopt from that region will not be allowed a first travel date until our adoptions are final.

Adopting children with DS is new & foreign to the people there. Our children will open the door for many others if we are allowed to adopt them. I can't stress enough the importance of this meeting. When we were at the orphanage, we were told that we were the first visitors to the orphanage in SEVEN YEARS. Seven years since anyone had wanted a child from this orphanage full of 98 precious little souls. Ninety-eight children that were labeled as "damaged" by their society and placed as far out of sight and mind as possible. 

People have been praying, fasting, sending texts, emails, phone calls...I'm overwhelmed with the support and the love we've been given. K is going to have such a great extended family of people who have labored in prayer for him. I don't think you will ever know how humbled, blessed, and strengthened we have been by your prayers. I know K is feeling the prayers as well. 

I've heard people say, "Well, all we can do is pray" about situations before. God has taught me something very important through all of this: that is a crappy expression. I think I'm changing it around. I'm going to start saying: "We can do ALL when we pray." Prayer is HUGE. PRAYER IS DOING SOMETHING. PRAYER IS DOING THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. WE ARE TALKING TO THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE!

God forgive me for not praying more. For not praying when things are "good" and I think I'm in control. God controls it all. Even the judge...

Proverbs 21

    1. The Lord can control a king's mind as he controls a river;
        he can direct it as he pleases.

As soon as we know anything, I will let you all know by any and all means possible...blog, Facebook, text, email, Twitter...you will actually probably be able to hear me yelling from our apartment if we get a court date. Remember though, no matter what, God is still God. We are only here by his hand to carry out his purpose, which is spreading the Gospel of Christ. We will continue to live out our purpose no matter what! Thank you for being faithful in prayer for us & K.

Strength

Psalm 20

 ¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
   may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
   and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
   and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
   and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory
   and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
   May the LORD grant all your requests.
 ⁶ Now this I know:
   The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
   with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
   but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
   but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ LORD, give victory to the king!
   Answer us when we call!

Psalm 82

 ¹ God presides over heaven’s court;
      he pronounces judgment on the heavenly beings:
 ² “How long will you hand down unjust decisions
      by favoring the wicked?
 ³ “Give justice to the poor and the orphan;
      uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute.
 ⁴ Rescue the poor and helpless;
      deliver them from the grasp of evil people.
 ⁵ But these oppressors know nothing;
      they are so ignorant!
   They wander about in darkness,
      while the whole world is shaken to the core.
 ⁶ I say, ‘You are gods;
      you are all children of the Most High.
 ⁷ But you will die like mere mortals
      and fall like every other ruler.’”
 ⁸ Rise up, O God, and judge the earth,
      for all the nations belong to you.

This Love by Mandi Mapes

(You should go to iTunes immediately and download this song if you're adopting!)

I’ve never felt this way before
funny how you found your way to my door   
and suddenly my prayers are coming true
and these arms are not letting go of you

this love this love is the deep kind
you’re my baby, you’re my sunshine
I’ll hold your hand, be your biggest fan
and I’ll love you all of the time

our eyes are not quite the same shade
and your hair blows in the wind a different way 
but I am your mother and 
I love you just the same 
so I’ll take your hand honey 
and you can take my name

my heart has been redeemed,
adopted and now I know my Father
this grace that I’ve received 
I want to show you
I want to show you

this love this love is the deep kind
it hangs on through the storm and the sunshine
I’ll hold your hand, be your biggest fan
and I’ll love you all of the time

© 2010 Mandi Mapes

Can You Hear the Children?

I found this poem on John Piper's website. I absolutely love it.

Do you hear the children crying?
I can hear them every day,
Crying, sighing, dying, flying
Somewhere safe where they can play.

Somewhere safe from all the dangers,
Somewhere safe from Crack and AIDS,
Safe from lust and lurking strangers,
Safe from war and bombing raids.

Somewhere safe from malnutrition,
Safe from daddy's damning voice,
Safe from mommy's cool ambition,
Safe from deadly goddess, Choice.

Do you hear the children crying?
I can hear them every day,
Crying, sighing, dying, flying
Somewhere safe where they can play.

* * * *

Do you see the children meeting?
I can see them in the sky,
Meeting, seating, eating, greeting
Jesus with the answer why.
Why the milk no longer nourished,
Why the water made them sick,
Why the crops no longer flourished,
Why the belly got so thick.

Why they never knew the reason
Friends had vanished out of sight,
Why some suffered for a season,
Others never saw the light.

Do you see the children meeting?
I can see them in the sky,
Meeting, seating, eating, greeting
Jesus with the answer why.

* * * *

Do you hear the children singing?
I can hear them high above,
Singing, springing, ringing, bringing
Glory to the God of love.

Glory for the gift of living,
Glory for the end of pain,
Glory for the gift of giving,
Glory for eternal gain.

Glory from the ones forsaken,
Glory from the lost and lone,
Glory when the infants waken,
Orphans on the Father's throne

Do you hear the children singing?
I can hear them high above,
Singing, springing, ringing, bringing
Glory to the God of love.

* * * *

Do you see the children coming?
I can see them on the clouds,
Coming, strumming, drumming, humming
Songs with heaven's happy crowds.

Songs with lots of happy clapping,
Songs that set the heart on fire,
Songs that make your foot start tapping,
Songs that make a merry choir.

Songs so loud the mountains tremble,
Songs so pure the canyons ring,
When the children all assemble
Millions, millions, round the King.

Do you see the children coming?
I can see them on the clouds,
Coming, strumming, drumming, humming
Songs with heaven's happy crowds.

* * * *

Do you see the children waiting?
I can see them all aglow
Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting,
Who of us will rise and go?

Will we turn and fly to meet them
In the light of candle two?
I intend to rise and greet them.
Come and go with me, would you?

A Series of Unfortunate Events

One of the things that I'm most afraid of in this adoption process is that our story is going to be a discouragement to other families considering adoption. Our adoption has been extremely arduous, this is true. But I want you to understand something; I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I want to take some time to explain WHY our process has been so difficult. We sometimes joke, between our tears, that it has been "a series of unfortunate events."

First of all, our adoption is NOT typical for Eastern European adoptions. Most EE adoptions, from start to finish, take about 8-12 months. We are on month 19. If you've been following our journey from the beginning, you already understand all of the ups and downs that we've experienced. If you are new to this blog, I want to take this post to explain our unique experience and why our adoption has been anything BUT typical.

In the summer of 2009, we committed to adopt a little 2-year-old boy named Sergey from the same country as Kirill (whom we are currently adopting). Our homestudy was completed in a couple of months and we completed our dossier by Christmas. It was submitted to our country and we anticipated we would travel sometime in January 2010.

Days and weeks passed and I began to worry. I was reassured by our adoption agency that everything was fine and we would receive our travel date "any day now." However, I knew something was up after February came and went and still no travel date. On March 16, 2010, I received a phone call while running errands. I will never forget where I was or the words from our social worker, "We have received devastating news about little Sergey." Basically everything after that was a blur, but I heard enough to know that Sergey wasn't going to be ours. He never should have been listed on his country's registry of orphans because all of his family members had not been notified of his orphaned status. When the Minister of Education discovered this error, he contacted the family members who decided to adopt Sergey. This was probably one of the worst days of my life. I just couldn't understand how such a terrible mistake could happen. However, God revealed many things to us through this experience. We are adopting because we are following what we believe is God's command to care for orphans. Our goal is to help solve the orphan crisis by adopting a child and hopefully inspiring others to adopt. We feel that because of our interest in Sergey, his family members were notified and he is now one less orphan. We choose to look at this situation as a blessing because through our adoption process, there will be two children in homes, out of orphanages, and with loving families.

We took some time to grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams to make Sergey a part of our family. We knew we still wanted to adopt a little boy with Down Syndrome, but we had no idea of where to begin as far as choosing another child. We knew we didn't want to change agencies or countries because a) we were very happy with our adoption agency and b) we didn't want to have to redo all of our paperwork, which would result in a loss of time and money. Our adoption agency works in more than one region of the country Sergey was from, so we asked them to help us identify a child. They gave us several names and photos of children, but we really only considered one...a four-year-old boy named Kirill. It's a long story that you can read about HERE, but Kirill was just supposed to be ours and we knew it right away.  So we committed to adopt Kirill and began making the necessary changes to our dossier due to K being in a different region and being a different age. This was the first round of redoing paperwork...there would be many, many more. The main things we had to do: update our homestudy to reflect our desire for and ability to parent an older child AND update our USCIS approval for an older child. This paperwork was done rather quickly and we had re-submitted our dossier to Kirill's region by mid-April.

But mid-April was the same month that Torry Hansen decided to send her adopted child back to Eastern Europe, all alone, on a plane, because she couldn't parent him. Now I want to take an opportunity here to clarify something that has been bothering me for a long, long time. The Torry Hansen case makes me extremely angry. Her careless actions have caused many, many children to remain in orphanages when they could be home with their families. Does this mean I don't empathize her? Absolutely not. I totally get that she was probably overwhelmed and felt desperate. I have worked with families in my professional life, and I also have personal connections to families who have had to dissolve their adoptions. It is a hellish thing to go through, there is no doubt. However, I WILL NEVER CONDONE CHILD ABANDONMENT AS JUSTIFIABLE. What she did was WRONG. Period. There is never an excuse to abandon a child. If you disagree, that's your opinion. I have a very different one. There are measures that adoptive parents can take to dissolve an adoption. Ms. Hansen did absolutely nothing to try to follow the procedures for dissolving an adoption. She did not disclose to ANYONE that she was having difficulty with her child. In fact, when follow-up visits were done by the social worker, Ms. Hansen did not report any problems at all. There are many other details of the case that I won't go into because it really doesn't pertain to this post. I'm sorry I'm off on a tangent, but I just want people to understand that it's o.k. to be angry with someone for doing something so wrong. You can still love them and pray for them, but you do not have to condone their actions. I've had several people try to tell me that she had her reasons and as Christians we should be understanding of her and not be angry with her. I disagree. I think Christ got angry when he was on earth and saw injustice, sin, and mistreatment of children. I think it's o.k. if that makes us angry. Do I hate Torry Hansen? Absolutely not. I am hopeful that she is getting the help she so desperately needs. Am I angry at her actions and the pain it has caused the families and children whose adoptions have been halted because of her? Absolutely. Do I think Satan used her to his advantage? Absolutely.

Back to the story...so the Torry Hansen situation caused adoptions to come to a screeching halt. We were told that it might me months before adoptions resumed and we would be able to travel to meet Kirill. It was a 1-2 punch to the gut to get that news so soon after we lost Sergey. I just couldn't believe it was happening.

There was so much confusion during this time.  We really weren't sure what was going on with adoptions in K's country because there were so many conflicting reports coming from the media.  Our adoption agency really couldn't give us much information because they didn't know anything for certain. So we waited...

As we waited we started to hear that other regions were moving and processing adoptions, but not ours. Finally, in July 2010, we got a phone call that we would be traveling in August to meet Kirill and accept our referral. Finally! We were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...or so we thought.

While we were in country, we were told that the judge in our region was not issuing new court dates. The U.S. and K's country had been working on a treaty regarding intercountry adoptions. Until that treaty was signed an official, our judge didn't feel comfortable issuing court dates. However, we were also told that our judge would be going to a meeting of the supreme court and that she might change her mind after that meeting. We left not knowing when we would return, but we knew it probably wouldn't be as soon as we had originally thought.

Our agency remained hopeful that the judge would change her mind and we would have K home by Christmas. So they advised us to go ahead and get the necessary paperwork and medicals for our second trip. This was expensive and we knew the documents would expire in three months. We hoped to be back in country before they expired. However, the days and weeks came and went and we were finally notified that our judge was not going to change her mind. Another story had broken about a family abusing their adopted children, all of whom were from K's country. This time the story was even more horrific. The three teenage girls were tortured by their adoptive parents. This story caused our judge to remain firm in her decision. There are other reasons that played into her decision, we were told. These reasons made sense and even though we felt defeated, we kind of understood the judge's hesitation to process adoptions. So we did all we could do...prayed and prayed and prayed..

Then in December we received wonderful news that our judge had decided to go ahead with adoptions and start issuing court dates again. We were beyond ecstatic. We scurried to get the paperwork, which had expired by this time, redone and sent to our judge. God had answered our prayer, but Satan was waiting to mess it all up again. There were more paperwork issues and I won't go into detail, but it delayed getting our court date again.

That brings us to the present. Now we have received word that our facilitator will meet with the judge this coming Wednesday to ask her for a court date for us. This meeting is so important. I don't think I can stress enough how much we need prayers. My friend Ashley has written an excellent post on her blog with more details. I'm not going to re-invent the wheel since she has written about it already, but I would encourage you to hop on over to her blog HERE and read about the imminent need for prayers.

I want to leave you with a verse that has become my strength over the last few days. It is Psalm 112:6-8:


⁶ Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
   they will be remembered forever.
⁷ They will have no fear of bad news;
   their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
⁸ Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
   in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.