After 2 years, hundreds of documents, thousands of tears, and millions of prayers, I can finally say...OUR ADOPTION OF KIRILL IS COMPLETE!
We feel incredibly blessed by God's addition of Kirill to our family.
We understand God's love for us more fully because of this difficult road we travelled to bring Kirill home.
We realize we could not have done it alone.
We are SO THANKFUL for the outpouring of support through words, thoughts, acts of kindness, and most importantly, PRAYER.
If you've followed our journey from the beginning, you know that we have grown increasingly passionate about orphan care during our adoption process.
I can think of no better way to end this blog than to put out a plea for the millions of other children just like Kirill that do not have most basic human right...the love of a family.
As we were saying good-bye to our wonderful Russian staff on Kirill's gotcha day, I will never forget our facilitator's parting words to us. With tears in her eyes she said, "You have a blog. Please put on your blog that there are other children here who need families."
This request was humbling and amazing to us. Our Russian staff had been working so hard on our behalf. They lost sleep and put in long hours to help us fight for our precious son. I know their jobs were so very difficult. Yet they want to keep fighting for these children who are not valued by their society to have famlies. I cannot tell you how much these people mean to us. They are truly the Rosa Parks of their society, fighting for the rights of those that cannot fight for themselves.
And they are winning.
NO, GOD IS WINNING.
I am fully convinced that Satan tries to keep people from adopting orphans because he KNOWS that through adoption, you will come to know God's love for you more fully than you have ever known his love before. I can also tell you that when you choose to adopt, God will teach you things that he cannot teach you any other way than through the adoption process.
So don't miss out.
Adopt.
There are 147 million chances waiting to show you the love that God has for you.
And if you are afraid or if you have excuses, tell them to God and then listen for his reply. Search scripture. Ask him to help you understand his heart. Then remember his promises...
Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Phil 1:6
"For I am certain of this very thing, that he by whom the good work was started in you will make it COMPLETE until the day Christ returns."
Can I just say that GOD totally rocks?!? Your adoption peeps will understand what a MIRACLE we encountered this week with our USCIS fingerprinting. Here's a little backstory for those of you not familiar with what USCIS fingerprinting is:
In order to adopt a child from a foreign country, you have to fill out a petition with the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to classify an orphan as a member of your family, which in our case is called an I-600A form. A part of the process of getting approved is doing biometric fingerprints, or FBI prints. These prints are only good for 18 months, then they delete them, and your USCIS approval is expired.
So, we got our USCIS approval back in November of 2009, when we were in the beginning stages of the adoption process. Never in a million years did I think they would expire before our adoption was finalized! But alas, they expire February 27th, so it was necessary for us to have them re-done. We have known this was the case, but our adoption agency kept telling us to hold off on having them re-done because they kept thinking we would get a court date before they expired. Well, you all know that story if you've been keeping up with our adoption. If you're new to this blog go back to August 2010 and start reading there to catch up.
We held off until we KNEW there was NO WAY we were getting a court date before they expired, sent off our request, and got our fingerprinting date...February 7. However, due to who-knows-what, we were told that the USCIS was backed up on printing and it could take up to three months to get our prints back from the date they were taken. Since our court date is March 17th, we couldn't wait three months. Our agency advised us to start PRAYING and call our Senators and State Representatives to ask for help getting the prints expedited.
We called both Richard Shelby's and Jeff Sessions' offices. Both were very helpful, but I have to say, Richard Shelby's office was incredibly responsive. We called them before we got printed and they told us exactly what they needed to help. So as soon as our prints were taken on Monday, we emailed them and let them know the prints were done. We were told it would take at least 48 hours just for the prints to get into the system so we didn't expect to hear anything back from them for a couple of days. Imagine our shock when LESS THAN 24 HOURS LATER...ON TUESDAY MORNING, THE 8TH, RICHARD SHELBY'S OFFICE CALLED GREG AND TOLD HIM THEY JUST GOTTEN OFF THE PHONE WITH USCIS, THE PRINTS WERE DONE AND OUR USCIS APPROVAL WAS IN THE MAIL!!! I have to give huge props to Shelby's office for their kindness and responsiveness, but we all know all the glory goes to God for making this happen. It was like God was just saying, "See? I got this. Don't worry and don't be afraid."
Just another MIRACLE in Kirill's story. God works so powerfully through the least of these and I'm so humbled to get to be his mommy.
One last thing...we've been working on our plane tickets this week. Can I just say how exciting it's been to book two round-trip tickets and one one-way ticket? When we got the itinerary with "Gregory Kirill Davis" printed in black and white, I almost broke down. It makes it so real. One month from today we will leave to go get him...I CANNOT WAIT!
Now that we have our court date (ah...I still can't believe I'm typing that...SO THRILLED! THANK YOU GOD!), what happens next? Well, the first thing we have to do is KEEP PRAYING. We still have a lot of steps to bring K home for good, so keep your prayers going strong. They are powerful and effective! Pray that God continues to be glorified through our adoption and K's life. We KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has already been such a testament to God's name.
We will travel to K's country, to the capital city, and have medicals done there with 8 medical specialists. Once we are done with that, we will travel to K's region for our court date. Once we get there, the first day, we will complete final court paperwork and visit with K!!! MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE JUST TYPING THAT...WE WILL SEE HIM IN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH!!! :) :) :) The next day, we have court. If we are approved, that will begin a 10-day grace period. That time is designed to give anyone a chance to object to the adoption. During that time, we will come back home. We could stay, but we will be missing Clayton so much and we feel that we need to come home to see him. Plus, those 10 days would be pretty difficult. There isn't a lot to do in K's region; it's a beautiful city but it would be hard to fill 10 days there. We wouldn't necessarily be able to visit him everyday if we did stay because of travel to and from the orphanage. It takes a couple of hours to drive there from the city and we would have to hire a driver each day, which would be very expensive. So for all of those reasons, we will come home.
We will return to K's country after the 10 day grace period and the first thing we will do is go to his region and pick him up! He will be ours at that point. :) :) :) We have to complete some post-adoption paperwork there, then we will go back to the capital city. In the capital, K will have a medical exam done. Then we will have to register K with the consulate and get his passport and visa. Once we get all of that done, we will come HOME! :) I'm not posting exact dates on here for privacy's sake, but we will be home sometime the first week in April.
Thank you all so much for your continued prayers. Our family is completely overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support we have received. I'm terribly behind on responding to all the Facebook messages, emails, texts, and phone calls. Please know that it's only because there aren't enough hours in the day to respond immediately but I will do my best to respond eventually. We need these words of encouragement so much. YOU have been Jesus on earth to us and for that we are humbled and so, so grateful. God is so good. His plan in all of this is unfolding. I can't share all the details yet, but we are finding out things that are blowing us away. God has been working very hard behind the scenes in ways that we could have never imagined. I can't wait to tell you more!
When we committed to adopt, we knew there would be two trips with a period of waiting between the two. We didn't anticipate the wait to be terribly long; maybe three months at the most. We are now beginning the seventh month since we saw our son. It seems like an eternity ago, and most of the time I cope with the wait by NOT thinking about it. I try to stay busy and occupy my time and mind with other things; Lord knows I'm good at staying busy! But sometimes I let myself just dwell on the time we spent with K. I let myself go back there with all five senses and just grieve the fact that he's still not home. Sunday was one of those days, and honestly, I've had a hard time coming out of it. I just ache to touch, smell, hear, and see my son. I'm dying to kiss his face and snuggle his fragile little body.
The main thing that I can remember is the way his head felt. He has really fine blond hair that is buzzed close to his head (that's how all the children...girls and boys...have their hair cut at the orphanage where he lives). I just kept stroking his hair and trying to burn the way it felt into my memory. His body was cold, like a corpse. I kept trying to wrap my arms around him to cover his cold skin and warm his tiny frame.
His smell was distinct. He didn't smell sweet like Johnson and Johnson Lavender Baby Wash. Frankly, he smelled like urine. The first day his diaper was so full that its contents spilled out onto his clothing and mine. I was wet from his urine and saliva. K kept his hands in his mouth all the time. His hands were raw and bleeding from being in his mouth so much. His thumb was cracked, red, and covered with open sores. His ears were also raw with sores inside because he usually kept whatever hand wasn't in his mouth in his ear. But I didn't care at all. In fact, I didn't want to wash the pants that I had on for a long time because they smelled like K. He reeked of human excrement and soured clothing, but to me it was the sweetest smell in the world.
K didn't really look like the pictures we were given. He was much thinner and smaller than I expected. In his photos, he looked plump-faced, pink and healthy. In real life, his eyes were purple and his skin was mottled. The sparkle in his eyes from the pictures wasn't there. There were sores on his body where he had picked and scratched his own skin; probably for stimulation. He was wearing girls clothing and shoes. He had on the same dirty shirt both days we visited with him. His glasses were gone. We were told because other children would grab them and break them. He obviously couldn't see well because when we would give him toys, pictures, or a book he would bend down to put his face right up to it so he could see it. He was a beautiful, beautiful boy. I haven't seen such beauty since I first laid my eyes on Clayton.
K didn't talk at all. He grunted and hissed to show is pleasure or dislike. He giggled when we tickled him. I played with his feet, doing "patty cake" with them. He banged them together as if to say, "again! again!" So we played that game as long as he was interested. Although we couldn't talk to each other, we had no trouble communicating. I love to watch the videos of our time with K because I can hear his sounds. To me, it sounds like a beautiful song.
The four hours we spent over two days with our son was a blend of exhiliration and agony. Every second was a treasure because we knew, at any moment, the orphanage social worker would come in to tell us our time was up. Every second I frantically tried to file away in my memory because I knew it was all I would have of K until we returned to bring him home for good.
Now as we begin our seventh month of waiting, it occurs to me that this must be how God feels about us. We are dirty, covered in our own filth, but God thinks we smell like lavender body wash. Our feeble attempts to talk to God come out as grunts and hisses, but he hears them as a sweet symphony. We must look terribly unkept in comparison to the beauty of God's surroundings in Heaven, especially the way we abuse our bodies and minds with worldly things. Yet he thinks we are beautiful. He's frantically soaking in every second we choose to spend with him, knowing that we will soon return to the orphange of this world and all its depravity. All he wants is to bring us home.
Psalm 33:18-22 18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, 19 to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine. 20We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name. 22 May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 27:13-14 13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living. 14Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 40:1-3 1I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along. 3 He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.
Lamentations 3:22-33 22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. 24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.” 25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him; 26it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD. 27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young. 28 Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him. 29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope. 30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace. 31 For no one is cast off
by the Lord forever. 32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love. 33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to anyone.
Today's news was clear: wait. To quote our agency worker, "it is neither good nor bad. The judge took your case and will have an answer in a week. So we wait." I disagree that it was neither good nor bad. It was good news. It was an answer to our prayers: wait.
We tend to focus on ourselves and what this means to us personally. But what if this process isn't about us at all? What if this entire process is for someone else? I'm not even talking about K. What if this process is for the judge? What if it's for a complete stranger that hears our story and is moved? What if it's for people we meet in K's country who see us giving everything we have emotionally and physically to adopt our son? What if it's for the orphanage workers who are being changed by taking care of our son in our absence? Are we willing to put our own desires aside to further God's kingdom according to HIS perfect time?
So please, if you've been praying for this situation, do not lose heart! Yes, it would have been awesome if God had granted our pleas in the way we asked and we got a court date today. But won't it be that much more awesome when he answers according to HIS will and in HIS time? How much better are his ways than ours?
13 families gathering around us to pray over our adoption last night
14 college students gathering during the night to pray over our adoption
a friend texting me scripture every hour, on the hour, all day and into the night
over 30 text messages from friends offering encouragement and support
over 20 emails offering encouragement and support...2 from strangers
lots of Facebook messages & posts
many people, I'll never know how many for sure, fasting all day for our adoption
phone calls from people throughout the day offering words of comfort and strength
Reece's Rainbow Yahoo Group
two other adoptive mommies from our region staying up in prayer all night long
II Cor 1:3-7 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
One of the things that I'm most afraid of in this adoption process is that our story is going to be a discouragement to other families considering adoption. Our adoption has been extremely arduous, this is true. But I want you to understand something; I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I want to take some time to explain WHY our process has been so difficult. We sometimes joke, between our tears, that it has been "a series of unfortunate events."
First of all, our adoption is NOT typical for Eastern European adoptions. Most EE adoptions, from start to finish, take about 8-12 months. We are on month 19. If you've been following our journey from the beginning, you already understand all of the ups and downs that we've experienced. If you are new to this blog, I want to take this post to explain our unique experience and why our adoption has been anything BUT typical.
In the summer of 2009, we committed to adopt a little 2-year-old boy named Sergey from the same country as Kirill (whom we are currently adopting). Our homestudy was completed in a couple of months and we completed our dossier by Christmas. It was submitted to our country and we anticipated we would travel sometime in January 2010.
Days and weeks passed and I began to worry. I was reassured by our adoption agency that everything was fine and we would receive our travel date "any day now." However, I knew something was up after February came and went and still no travel date. On March 16, 2010, I received a phone call while running errands. I will never forget where I was or the words from our social worker, "We have received devastating news about little Sergey." Basically everything after that was a blur, but I heard enough to know that Sergey wasn't going to be ours. He never should have been listed on his country's registry of orphans because all of his family members had not been notified of his orphaned status. When the Minister of Education discovered this error, he contacted the family members who decided to adopt Sergey. This was probably one of the worst days of my life. I just couldn't understand how such a terrible mistake could happen. However, God revealed many things to us through this experience. We are adopting because we are following what we believe is God's command to care for orphans. Our goal is to help solve the orphan crisis by adopting a child and hopefully inspiring others to adopt. We feel that because of our interest in Sergey, his family members were notified and he is now one less orphan. We choose to look at this situation as a blessing because through our adoption process, there will be two children in homes, out of orphanages, and with loving families.
We took some time to grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams to make Sergey a part of our family. We knew we still wanted to adopt a little boy with Down Syndrome, but we had no idea of where to begin as far as choosing another child. We knew we didn't want to change agencies or countries because a) we were very happy with our adoption agency and b) we didn't want to have to redo all of our paperwork, which would result in a loss of time and money. Our adoption agency works in more than one region of the country Sergey was from, so we asked them to help us identify a child. They gave us several names and photos of children, but we really only considered one...a four-year-old boy named Kirill. It's a long story that you can read about HERE, but Kirill was just supposed to be ours and we knew it right away. So we committed to adopt Kirill and began making the necessary changes to our dossier due to K being in a different region and being a different age. This was the first round of redoing paperwork...there would be many, many more. The main things we had to do: update our homestudy to reflect our desire for and ability to parent an older child AND update our USCIS approval for an older child. This paperwork was done rather quickly and we had re-submitted our dossier to Kirill's region by mid-April.
But mid-April was the same month that Torry Hansen decided to send her adopted child back to Eastern Europe, all alone, on a plane, because she couldn't parent him. Now I want to take an opportunity here to clarify something that has been bothering me for a long, long time. The Torry Hansen case makes me extremely angry. Her careless actions have caused many, many children to remain in orphanages when they could be home with their families. Does this mean I don't empathize her? Absolutely not. I totally get that she was probably overwhelmed and felt desperate. I have worked with families in my professional life, and I also have personal connections to families who have had to dissolve their adoptions. It is a hellish thing to go through, there is no doubt. However, I WILL NEVER CONDONE CHILD ABANDONMENT AS JUSTIFIABLE. What she did was WRONG. Period. There is never an excuse to abandon a child. If you disagree, that's your opinion. I have a very different one. There are measures that adoptive parents can take to dissolve an adoption. Ms. Hansen did absolutely nothing to try to follow the procedures for dissolving an adoption. She did not disclose to ANYONE that she was having difficulty with her child. In fact, when follow-up visits were done by the social worker, Ms. Hansen did not report any problems at all. There are many other details of the case that I won't go into because it really doesn't pertain to this post. I'm sorry I'm off on a tangent, but I just want people to understand that it's o.k. to be angry with someone for doing something so wrong. You can still love them and pray for them, but you do not have to condone their actions. I've had several people try to tell me that she had her reasons and as Christians we should be understanding of her and not be angry with her. I disagree. I think Christ got angry when he was on earth and saw injustice, sin, and mistreatment of children. I think it's o.k. if that makes us angry. Do I hate Torry Hansen? Absolutely not. I am hopeful that she is getting the help she so desperately needs. Am I angry at her actions and the pain it has caused the families and children whose adoptions have been halted because of her? Absolutely. Do I think Satan used her to his advantage? Absolutely.
Back to the story...so the Torry Hansen situation caused adoptions to come to a screeching halt. We were told that it might me months before adoptions resumed and we would be able to travel to meet Kirill. It was a 1-2 punch to the gut to get that news so soon after we lost Sergey. I just couldn't believe it was happening.
There was so much confusion during this time. We really weren't sure what was going on with adoptions in K's country because there were so many conflicting reports coming from the media. Our adoption agency really couldn't give us much information because they didn't know anything for certain. So we waited...
As we waited we started to hear that other regions were moving and processing adoptions, but not ours. Finally, in July 2010, we got a phone call that we would be traveling in August to meet Kirill and accept our referral. Finally! We were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...or so we thought.
While we were in country, we were told that the judge in our region was not issuing new court dates. The U.S. and K's country had been working on a treaty regarding intercountry adoptions. Until that treaty was signed an official, our judge didn't feel comfortable issuing court dates. However, we were also told that our judge would be going to a meeting of the supreme court and that she might change her mind after that meeting. We left not knowing when we would return, but we knew it probably wouldn't be as soon as we had originally thought.
Our agency remained hopeful that the judge would change her mind and we would have K home by Christmas. So they advised us to go ahead and get the necessary paperwork and medicals for our second trip. This was expensive and we knew the documents would expire in three months. We hoped to be back in country before they expired. However, the days and weeks came and went and we were finally notified that our judge was not going to change her mind. Another story had broken about a family abusing their adopted children, all of whom were from K's country. This time the story was even more horrific. The three teenage girls were tortured by their adoptive parents. This story caused our judge to remain firm in her decision. There are other reasons that played into her decision, we were told. These reasons made sense and even though we felt defeated, we kind of understood the judge's hesitation to process adoptions. So we did all we could do...prayed and prayed and prayed..
Then in December we received wonderful news that our judge had decided to go ahead with adoptions and start issuing court dates again. We were beyond ecstatic. We scurried to get the paperwork, which had expired by this time, redone and sent to our judge. God had answered our prayer, but Satan was waiting to mess it all up again. There were more paperwork issues and I won't go into detail, but it delayed getting our court date again.
That brings us to the present. Now we have received word that our facilitator will meet with the judge this coming Wednesday to ask her for a court date for us. This meeting is so important. I don't think I can stress enough how much we need prayers. My friend Ashley has written an excellent post on her blog with more details. I'm not going to re-invent the wheel since she has written about it already, but I would encourage you to hop on over to her blog HERE and read about the imminent need for prayers.
I want to leave you with a verse that has become my strength over the last few days. It is Psalm 112:6-8:
6 Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
they will be remembered forever. 7They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD. 8 Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
I have traveled quite a bit in my life...12 different countries on three different continents. I'm a very adventurous traveler...I'm not boasting, but I want you to understand where I'm coming from here. Travel in EE is very different from any other country/region, in my opinion-especially if you are going to rural areas. Here are some of the things that we learned while traveling in Eastern Europe. If you have been to EE and want to add your own, please comment!
People smoke everywhere, all the time. EVERY. WHERE. ALL. THE. TIME. You cannot escape it. Your clothes and hair will perpetually smell like you've been clubbing all night long. While we were there, I kept saying to Greg, "EE has a smell about it. It smells the same everywhere. I can't put my finger on it." He replied, "Yeah, it's called cigarette smoke."
Your pee will smell funny. Ok, I don't know why this is, but trust me. Your pee and poop will smell funny there. I'm not sure if it's the smoke or the food or a combination of both, but just take my word for it and don't be surprised when you go potty.
Rooster Offal are rooster testicles. No matter how much mushroom gravy is on them, I don't recommend eating them.
Smoked meat is either wet smoked or dry smoked. Go with dry. Wet looks and tastes like raw hamburger meat.
There will be things floating in your drinks. Random fruits and bits of food that are unidentifiable. They drink a lot of these super sweet juice drinks...think the syrup from frozen strawberries. If this concerns you, stick with bottled water.
The EE way is to push and shove your way to the front of a line. If you tend to be courteous, this will be extremely difficult for you. Just keep in mind that if you don't do as the EE's, you will never get to the front of the line. So check your manners at the concourse in the airport when you arrive. You won't be needing them.
Women dress EXTREMELY provocatively in the summer months. Pray you travel in the winter. Summer is worse that the Victoria's Secret fashion show. This is not an exaggeration. I promise. I saw more hiney cheeks and boobage than I care to ever see again. Greg said he needed blinders as he felt wrong just seeing all these body parts exposed in broad daylight everywhere he looked.
TAKE FOOD. Ok, I cannot stress this enough. We packed our large suitcase that we checked with toys for the orphanage and food. That's it. Take a variety. We took almonds, trail mix, protein bars, beef jerky, peanut butter, dried fruit, and other individually packaged items that traveled well. The reason I say this is not because you can't find food over there. You just don't ever know when you will be able to go to the store. For example, we took an overnight train from Moscow to K's city in EE. It was 12+ hours. There is no food on the train. Even if there was a dining cart, you couldn't read the menu. Then we were picked up and taken immediately to the orphanage. So if we wouldn't have had snacks, we would not have eaten for almost 24 straight hours. There just wasn't an opportunity to find food. As a diabetic, I would have been in a WORLD of trouble had we not taken a lot of food.
Having said that, when you do eat, you do have some good choices. I recommend soups and stews, fish, or chicken. The food isn't bad, it's just different. There is a lot of mushroom, dill, and sour cream used in recipes. I do not eat mushrooms or sour cream, so if I can tell you that you can find things you like, you can believe it. :) I'm not picky, it just so happens that two of the maybe five foods I don't like are staples in EE.
Traffic is nuts. No, really...you cannot understand until you've been there. Think NASCAR meets monster truck obstacle course in the middle of New York City. I honestly thought I was going to meet Jesus on several occasions. We saw many serious wrecks. They drive FAST and the roads are TERRIBLE as far as their condition. There are more potholes than actual blacktop and the average speed at which you travel over them is 90 mph. We went airborne twice. I'm dead serious. Greg thought it was fun. Me, not so much.
There is no use to try to learn the language. Learn "please, thank you, water, hello, and goodbye." That's about all you need to know. Remember, you will have an interpreter the whole time. The times when they are not around, you can use sign language. Nothing is in English...be prepared for that. Not even in the airports or train stations. But you will be fine with sign language, I promise. I have a great story about trying to find a hair dryer...
Do not over pack. Just don't. You will regret it if you take too much. Here's what I took and I felt like it was the perfect amount for one week in the summer months: a pair of black loose-fitting pants that could go dressy or not, a pair of khaki Columbia travel pants, a pair of brown pants, two travel dresses, black shorts, 2 camis, 2 t-shirts for sleep/lounging, a cardigan, a white t-shirt, a brown tank top, 8 pair of underwear, 2 bras, TOMS shoes, and black Volitile wedges. Looking back, I could have made it with one t-shirt for lounging and one travel dress. But I did wear everything at least twice so I probably would pack the same since it all fit in my suitcase. People in EE wear the same thing for days at a time. Our interpreter wore the same dress the entire time we were there. So if you change a lot, it will make you stick out. With what I took, I could mix and match for an entire week with clothes to spare if something got especially dirty. I washed underwear in the hotel sink at one point because I did change those a lot to keep me from feeling too gross. We were lucky to travel in summer because I didn't have to worry about coats, socks, or other warm clothes. I packed everything I needed for a week in a 15-in. rolling carry-on and only checked our big suitcase that had food and toys in it. It can be done.
Anything goes as far as clothing. We were told to dress in black or dark colors as to not stand out. I totally think this is some kind of old rule that Americans still believe to be true. Maybe it used to be like this during communist times, but not now. We saw everything over there. EE's are very tall, thin, and have a distinct "sharp" look about them. We were just rounder and shorter so we stood out because of that. No way you can change those things to blend in!
Contrary to popular belief, most places do not take U.S. currency. We were told by our agency that our hotel and most other places would take U.S. currency. We didn't find anywhere that took it. So go ahead and change money that you think you will need. We got stuck with no rubles on a couple of occasions and it was not fun borrowing money from our facilitator and/or scurrying to find a bank.
Xanax is your friend. Get some for the flights. Especially if you get stuck on the same flight as 70 American teenagers returning from a summer in EE. Yeah, I double-dosed for that.
There is internet service everywhere. You can easily find an internet cafe or get internet service at most hotels for little or no charge.
Check with your cell provider and be careful about buying international service plans. We were told by AT&T that for $30/month we could have 50 text messages and unlimited data on our phones. That was bull. When we got home we were greeted by a $400 bill for just my phone. Greg's was through his work so that was not good either. These international plans do not apply in some EE countries. Even though I specifically asked about ours and was assured that it would be covered, it was not. So next time we will leave our phones off and just use the internet to communicate. AT&T did remove the charges because I called and raised cane and told them the name of the customer rep that sold me the plan. Bottom line...just be very careful with cell plans.
Take a travel blanket, a sheet and a pillowcase if you are going to be on the train overnight. It also comes in handy at the hotel. I'm not a real germ freak (well, I kinda am), but you just feel better putting your face on a surface that doesn't smell like it was washed in cigarette butts.
That's all I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there are tons more things that I'm forgetting! My best advice is be sure to pack your sense of humor. Know that there are going to be times when things are going to go wrong. It's fine. It's a part of the fun of travel!
If you've been following our adoption journey from the beginning, you've probably noticed lots of ebbs and flows on this blog. Adoption tends to be a series of excrutiating wait time followed by periods of frantic activity followed by more waiting followed by more waiting...and on and on it goes. So somewhere in the waiting/frantic cycle, I totally forgot to chronicle the rest of our trip to meet Kirill back in August. I'm only 5 months late. In adoption time, that translates to roughly a week and a half. Good thing I'm functioning on adoption time.
To pick up where I left off in this post, we left Moscow at 6 p.m. on an overnight train bound for the Eastern European city where K lives. Moscow is the closest airport to this city, which isn't saying much since we had to take LONG train ride to get there after we left Moscow. We were picked up the next day by our facilitator, Marina, and our interpreter, Elena. They were both LOVELY women that we really grew to love over the next few days.
As they drove us to our hotel, Marina began to explain our itenerary for the next few days. I have to insert here that I was SO NERVOUS at this point. It's just so surreal to be in a car with complete strangers (at the time), trusting them to navigate your life for the next few days. It was a HUGE test of my faith and my reluctance to give up control. We were completely at the mercy of stangers and were 100% reliant on them to tell us what to do, where to go, what to eat, etc. The only thing I could remotely relate it to is being blind. I'm not trying to compare what we experienced to something as profound as blindness, but I'm just trying to somehow convey how we were so dependent on God at this point because we had absolutely no way to communicate or understand the culture without these women. We just had to let go completely and trust that God was working through them.
As Marina was explaining what we would be doing for the rest of the day, she inserted that our train was late and we would need to go straight to the Minister of Science and Education's office without cleaning up at the hotel. So we literally dropped our bags at the hotel and headed to a very formal government building. To say we were disgusting is an understatement. We had been riding on a smoky (people smoke everywhere in EE...inside, outside, on trains, in hotels...there's no such thing as a "no smoking" section...plus the forrest fires had covered all of Moscow and the outlying areas in a thick blanket of smoke) train all night after spending a day walking around Moscow the day before. We had not showered since the morning before and by the time we got to the orphanage it was late afternoon. Talk about greasy...it took me back to the semester I spend in Europe in college. We backpacked and wouldn't shower for like 6 days at a time...but we weren't trying to prove that we were fit parents back then either.
We met with the Minister of Science and Education to sign a form stating our intent to visit with K and review his referral. She was such a pleasant lady. She asked us some tough questions about why we wanted to adopt a child with special needs. But I could tell that she was in our corner and wanted to see K go to a family. She even had his picture on a bulletin board in her office. She explained to us that she keeps photos of all the children in the process of adoption on that board and is happy when they are placed with their families. I thought that spoke volumes about her heart. As we left, she said, "I think you will be wonderful parents to K and I wish you the best." We left from her office and went straight to the orphanage to meet K.
Driving to the orphanage took about an hour and a half by car from the city. We drove on paved roads most of the time but about ten miles from the orphanage we turned onto a dirt road which took us to a very secluded area in the woods. Literally...in. the. woods. That was where the orphanage was located, deep in the woods...very secluded. So we pull up to the orphanage. I'm going to probably just tell you the facts here and leave out emotion since this blog is public. The orphanage was a group of three buildings. One building was where the children lived. The other building looked like some sort of storage facility or something like that. One building looked abandoned.
When we pulled up there were about twenty children playing outside. One of them, a little girl, ran up to Greg and put her arms up for him to hold her. He picked her up and she squealed with delight. She was so thin and frail. I also took a turn holding her. The orphanage workers came and took her as they shooed the children inside. It's not acceptable to see or photograph the other children, so the workers were following the rules and trying to keep us from seeing the other children. Still, we were so haunted by those faces that we did see. I can't really put it into words. I kept telling Greg they looked like ghost children. Their skin was almost transparent and they were all very small and frail with hollow eyes. I could go into more detail, but quite frankly it's painful and I just can't do it because my son is still there and will continue to be one of those children until we go back to adopt him.
We were ushered into the orphanage director's office. He was a very gentle and kind man. We were allowed to ask questions and he also was allowed to ask us a few questions. We were told that K had just been transferred to this orphanage from a baby orphanage. This orphanage was for 4-18 year-old children with special needs. That is how much we DIDN'T know coming into this trip. We didn't even know the name of the orphanage or where it was located. We had no idea that K had been transferred to an older child orphanage. We thought he was still at the baby house. So this was kind of shocking to us. Still, we just took it in stride and continued our visit with the staff. After a few minutes, the social worker came in and we were allowed to ask her questions. She knew more about K than the director because she had more contact with the children on a day-to-day basis. Then the medical director came in and she answered medical questions. As a part of her questioning, she read us the document that K's parents had to fill out to relinquish custody and declare him an orphan. There are no words for what that did to my heart. I truly felt for his parents; to them there was no other choice but to give up their son. I also felt an overwhelming gratitude to them for giving us such a precious gift. It's a very strange and emotional experience to hear their words read aloud.
As we met with these people, I could tell they were somewhat leery of us. However, by the end of our time together, I really felt comfortable with them and I think we were able to explain to them why we wanted to adopt a child with special needs. We left the director's office and the social worker took us to a room where we would be visiting with K. She left us there while she went to get K. We could hear the social worker and K's caregiver coming up the stairs with him and the first time I laid eyes on him...oh my word. I'm in tears just typing this. I cannot tell you what it was like watching this tiny boy walk up the stairs toward us. The boy I'd seen for months in pictures and imagined in my mind was now in front of me in person. It was surreal.
As he toddled toward us, he head-planted into a corner of the wall. He started screaming immediately and my heart broke. I was thinking, "great, his first meeting with us and he's traumatized!" But his caregiver consoled him and he recovered pretty quickly. I tried not to snatch him up because I didn't want to startle him. It took all the restraint I had, but Greg and I both let him just explore the room and stayed very close to him until he got used to us. We would touch him gently or pick him up for short moments, but we didn't want to smother him because we knew we were strangers to him. At one point, I was taking pictures and Greg was videoing. This is the moment that I will cherish forever. I'm so glad Greg captured it on video. I'll let the video speak for itself.
That's where I'll close for now. I'm sure you're tired of reading and I'm certainly tired of typing. Plus, putting this all out of my head onto paper is really emotionally draining. It forces me to think about K and about the fact that it's been five long months since I saw his precious face, stroked his buzzed little head, and kissed his sweet little cheeks. At times it feels like my heart will literally crack into pieces so I avoid thinking about it a lot in order to cope. When I'm dying inside, I have to remember Christ and the pain he endured to adopt me. Getting up every morning is only possible through my Lord. Thank God he paved the way for me on this journey.
A friend recently told me about Drawn From Water, an orphanage in Africa that rescues "mingi" children from genocide. What are "mingi" children, you ask? They are children with "defects" that cause their tribe to consider them to be possessed by demons. These "defects" can be anything from unplanned pregnancy by the mother to top teeth coming in before their bottom teeth. Yes, you read that right...they can be killed because of the order in which they cut their teeth. How are they killed? They are cast into a nearby river and left to drown or abandoned in the bush and left to die. The orphanage literally rescues them from these terrible deaths and takes them into their orphanage.
Pick up your bottom jaw. THIS. REALLY. HAPPENS. And it grosses me out.
Why it grosses me out may surprise you though. I'm not grossed out by the tribe. They do not know any better. Drawn From Water is trying (and succeeding!) in teaching these tribes the truth about "mingi" children. They are changing their hearts and beliefs. It is wonderfully amazing to read their success stories. What grosses me out is that this is happening while I'm sitting in my nice, warm apartment with my latte in hand, watching football. I'm grossed out with myself for having closed eyes to the reality of what is going on in our world. I know I can't change the world entirely, but I can do my part. And I'm not. Drawn From Water, like Reece's Rainbow, stirs a passion in me. I'm not sure what God is trying to tell me yet, but I do know that I have been trying for two months to get this orphanage out of my head and I cannot. It's nagging at me all the time, especially when I lay down at night and pray for the children there.
Why am I blogging about this? Well, there are a couple of reasons. First, I've been thinking a lot about passions lately. Why do we have them? Why do some come and go? Why do some stay forever? Why do we lose passion? Why do some people live their entire lives for one passion, wholly sold-out to this one thing that impacts all areas of life?
I don't have the answers to that. I don't want to live my life frantically chasing one passion after another. I have a tendency to get on "kicks". Can anyone out there relate? You know, I'm the person that will jump head-first into something without really thinking about it and then drop it like a hot potato after a couple of months. I really don't like that personality trait. It can also drive the hubs crazy. When we were talking about adoption, he sort of jokingly, sort of seriously asked, "Are you really sure about this or is it one of your kicks?" Obviously now he knows it wasn't a kick, but I really did understand his concerns because I know myself pretty well and I'm a kicky kind of gal.
So how do you figure out the difference between a "kick" and a passion??? I definitely think we can have more than one passion, and God is teaching me about more of mine. I know that God has made me passionate about one thing: children with special needs. I'm 100% certain of that. I've known it since I was 16 years old. There's nothing else that stirs my soul like seeing an individual who is "differently abled." I just want to go talk to them, find out about their interests, become their friend. It's not in a "I feel sorry for that person" kind of way. It's like I just have to get to know them because I want to be a part of their life. No clue why...it's a chemistry that I can't explain with words.
I think that's why I can't get Drawn From Water off my mind. I love their purpose of not only saving children who are labeled as different, but also educating the tribes. I think that's why I love Reece's Rainbow too. I look at all the faces of those orphaned children with special needs and ache physically when I think about them spending their lives outside of a family. There's also the common thread of orphaned children. I'm passionate about children having families. So I guess that's my other passion...I cannot stand the thought of a child not having a loving family.
So as the new year begins, what is your passion? What is it that you cannot get out of your mind, out of your soul? What keeps you up at night? If you don't know, maybe you (like me), drown out your passions with lattes and football. I would really encourage you to read this blog post about finding your passion. It was part of the inspiration for this post, along with Drawn From Water. Let's all resolve to find our passions and get to work this year! Deal?!?
*Feel free to leave a comment about what your passion is and what you plan to do about it in 2011. It's such an encouragement to each other to hear each other's passions. Plus, you may inspire a passion in someone else!
I've said this about ten times before in this process, but I THINK I just Fed-Ex'd the last piece of adoption paperwork. Now as I'm typing that, I'm thinking..."you're going to jinx it!" But I refuse to let that thought take over. The judge requested some additional information and all of our court documents had expired, so that was all in this set of papers. Please say a prayer for that envelope. I know Satan is trying to keep it from reaching its final destination. Another adoptive family that is adopting from the same country and region as we are said, "We're getting closer because things are getting harder." She is so right. If you don't believe in spiritual warfare, adopt. So please be in prayer for Satan to be restrained and our paperwork to arrive in country, safe and sound.
We feel like this adoption is a never-ending series of trips from the highest high to the lowest low. We're back in the valley today. I cannot share details since I made the blog public again. Just know that we need some serious help from God to move a mountain that has been placed in our way. Don't worry; we are still pursuing K. However, we may be facing more delays. We know God is sovereign above all. We know he doesn't want K to stay in an orphanage either. So we are putting all of our hope in him and praying that he moves this mountain. Please join us in praying; it is our only hope to avoid several more months away from our son.
