Get ready for a flood of emotion post that may not make the least bit of sense but is going to be very therapeutic for me because I'm trying to be positive. We still don't have a travel date. It's driving me nuts. Mainly because we were told to expect to be traveling by the end of February/beginning of March. That's traveling by then...not getting a travel date. So since we don't even know our date yet I'm really not expecting to travel until April at the earliest and who even knows if it will be then. I'm getting so tired of people asking if we've heard anything yet. I know they mean well; they mean very well. They are concerned and I hate feeling upset when they ask. But every time someone asks it makes me think about the fact that we have no idea when we will travel. Believe me, when we know something I will be shouting it from the rooftops. There may be a breaking news story about a lunatic in Alabama climbing to the top of the RBC building (it's the tallest building in town; all 8 stories of it) shouting through a loudspeaker.
I'm struggling with my faith in the process. Lots of doubts are creeping in and I'm really wrestling with why Sarge is still sitting in an orphanage with no parents when there are two loving parents and a whole family of extended relatives who desperately want him home. Plus I'm hearing a lot of negative adoption stories right now and that's just adding to the doubt. I know it's from Satan. I know God wants Sarge home with us. But I know bad things happen and I'm struggling with thinking the worst. So I just don't think about it at all. I've found myself avoiding thinking about the adoption at all. I have this sort of magical thinking that if I worry about the worst thing happening, it will. Or if I get my hopes up that we will get a travel date, say, today, then we definitely won't get it today. So I'm intentionally suppressing any thoughts about the adoption. It's making it hard to even pray about it because that makes me think about it and then I start to worry.
Patience has never been my strong suite. I am horribly impatient. So that's really not helping the situation at all. But I don't want to pray for patience because I'm afraid I'll jinx the whole process and make it take longer. I know that isn't the way God works. See what I mean by the faith struggle???
So pray for me. Pray for us. Pray for Sarge. Pray for the Minister of Education who has our paperwork. Pray for our facilitator who will give us our travel date. Pray that they move quickly.