Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Banging it Out

Get ready for a flood of emotion post that may not make the least bit of sense but is going to be very therapeutic for me because I'm trying to be positive. We still don't have a travel date. It's driving me nuts. Mainly because we were told to expect to be traveling by the end of February/beginning of March. That's traveling by then...not getting a travel date. So since we don't even know our date yet I'm really not expecting to travel until April at the earliest and who even knows if it will be then. I'm getting so tired of people asking if we've heard anything yet. I know they mean well; they mean very well. They are concerned and I hate feeling upset when they ask. But every time someone asks it makes me think about the fact that we have no idea when we will travel. Believe me, when we know something I will be shouting it from the rooftops. There may be a breaking news story about a lunatic in Alabama climbing to the top of the RBC building (it's the tallest building in town; all 8 stories of it) shouting through a loudspeaker.

I'm struggling with my faith in the process. Lots of doubts are creeping in and I'm really wrestling with why Sarge is still sitting in an orphanage with no parents when there are two loving parents and a whole family of extended relatives who desperately want him home. Plus I'm hearing a lot of negative adoption stories right now and that's just adding to the doubt. I know it's from Satan. I know God wants Sarge home with us. But I know bad things happen and I'm struggling with thinking the worst. So I just don't think about it at all. I've found myself avoiding thinking about the adoption at all. I have this sort of magical thinking that if I worry about the worst thing happening, it will. Or if I get my hopes up that we will get a travel date, say, today, then we definitely won't get it today. So I'm intentionally suppressing any thoughts about the adoption. It's making it hard to even pray about it because that makes me think about it and then I start to worry.

Patience has never been my strong suite. I am horribly impatient. So that's really not helping the situation at all. But I don't want to pray for patience because I'm afraid I'll jinx the whole process and make it take longer. I know that isn't the way God works. See what I mean by the faith struggle???

So pray for me. Pray for us. Pray for Sarge. Pray for the Minister of Education who has our paperwork. Pray for our facilitator who will give us our travel date. Pray that they move quickly.


  1. Sweet Tesney,
    I'm so sorry you are feeling all of this. I think it's healthy to get it all out, and helpful to others who are considering/are trying to adopt. We will continue to pray. Love you!

  2. Hey Tes,
    I know it's hard not to get discouraged, but this country is a little different than Ukraine. If you have been following RR, a lot of families adopting from there get a travel date within weeks after they submit. Russia typically takes a little longer. I submitted my dossier for Caleb in January and didn't travel until the last week of March. I remember how down I felt waiting.....
    It shouldn't take much longer, I know I have said that before but it could come anyday at this point. So please know that we are all praying for you and especially little Sarge. No one wants him to stay there any longer!

  3. Tesney, you WILL be holding that sweet little boy soon!!! This whole journey for me has been a test of faith, and Gods glory has and continues to shine! Just when I know I can't take anymore God sends me a gift, a little light, that lets me know I CAN make it to the finish line and wait to bring them home. IF you are at that point, pray to HIM, let Him know you just need something to hold on to to get you through. He is ever faithful!!!

    Ignore those terribly negative adoption stories. I can give you just as many terrible bio. children stories, some of which I am related to! :) God has called you to this! It isn't chance that you are going to adopt little Sarge, it was INTRICATELY ordained by GOD! HE is a specific God, not a God that randomly rolls the dice with his childrens lives!

    Hang in there! "...Joy comes in the morning..."

  4. I recently read a quote "If you want to read head on into your enemy and meet him in his territory, then adopt." It is so, so true... it stretches you beyone what you think you can take sometimes... hold on for that precious little boy...

    A few verses that I have been clinging to through our adoption are:

    "For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will sure come." -Habakkuk 2:3

    "Now unto Him who is able to do exceeding, abundantly more than we can ask or think, unto Him be glory." - Ephesians 3:20

    Nothing surprises God... no that, cling to it... He is behind the scenes fighting for that little boy - and for you.

  5. There are so many of us praying for a miracle right now! God has not changed! He still can and will! I have had to choose to praise him no matter what it looks like on the outside. The past few weeks we have seen Gods hand moving on our little ones behalf when it seemed like hope was lost..... Keep praying and focusing on HIM!

  6. I empathize with how excruciatingly difficult it is to wait. But, a few years from now, you'll forget all of this agony...and you will only delight in your child! Time does heal all wounds, especially the gaping hole left by waiting!

    Lindsey Petersen

  7. Praying for your family and everyone involved.

  8. Thank you. Thank you for writing this. I think it was divine intervention that brought me here. Everything you said I can relate to. We are adopting a deaf blind little girl from Russia. It has been one road block after another from our US side of things, havent even heard from Russia, anyways that a story for another day.

    I firmly believe it is satan, but my weak flesh has doubts at times. I hope you know that God is in your adoption. He called us to take care of the widows orphans and fatherless. Someone told me that satan is so evil that he will do anything to make us quit to keep our children in the prison they are in. I didnt believe them because I never thought of anyone being so evil or hating a child that much, but its true.

    I will leave you with this..I have an online friend who is as we speak in the Ukraine going to meet her precious little girl with DS for the first time. They have been in this process for 6 months and it is almost over. They will soon all be together as will you and your family and me and my daughter. Praying for you.